"You got birch beer? I bet you don't know what that is."

I've seen a lot of movies. So it truly surprised me when I came across this video on YT of a clip of a movie that I hadn't seen. With Jeff Goldblum and Larry Fishburne Jr., Deep Cover was one of those video sleeves that I just scoffed at and went right on to to something else. However, after watching this video entitled "Don't Fuck With Jeff Goldblum" I may have made one of the biggest mistakes of my childhood years ago.



Gosh, he's just so menacing even Larry is afraid of him. And for followers of the link, I'd like to point out that Caruso was seriously enjoying that.

Mintz-Plasse gets maniacal

So I've landed the job. I got the message this morning that I'm going in for training Saturday evening. To prepare, I've been doing a lot of push ups, pull ups, brushing and flossing my teeth, in addition to rinsing with Listerine to ensure that I'm "The Man" for the (second place) job. I've also begun a dietary regimen of eggs and yogurt for breakfast, and basically variations on my amazing Siracha-infused Annie's Mac and Cheese for lunch/dinner.

Don't click on that link. It's "Annie's" mascot, Bernie, yes the rabbit. He has a MySpace page. There's Jack Johnson. There's even a link to an offsite blog, over at the official website annies.com. You can find it here.

I also found out today aside that bunnies are basically all Bunnicula, that Annie of aforementioned Annie's Pasta fame, actually created Smartfood Popcorn, basically the reason why white cheddar was invented.

OK, so there isn't a blog. It was a faulty link. My bad. Blame the bunny eating the cables. Blame Bernie.

And remember... the celery stalks at midnight. Man, I loved 2nd grade.

And now something completely different... Superbad. As a horror flick.

Overqualified, a la Spacey

So, who's seen American Beauty? You know that movie that won Best Picture back in 1998 or 1999? Remember when Kevin Spacey first hits his midlife crisis, quits his job and then hits up the equivalent of Mickey D's and applies for a job?

"I believe you're a bit overqualified, sir."

I got that today.

Now, I didn't post on this earlier, but last Sunday, not two days ago, but a week ago...
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Yeah, well the old man at the Denny's I was toiling for is a real piece of work. I won't slander in a public forum, but if you want to hear my side of the story, you'll know where to find me by the week is over.

So I had my first interview at a nice little joint in my old neighborhood of Ballard. And I got the line with the manager staring over my resume.

"You're kind of overqualified."

Imagine the dumb grin that spread like Oleo (but not so fake) across my face.
I'll keep you all posted, and sorry for the lack of hyperlinks and jumps. I'm kind of watching Nip/Tuck right now.

Hasselhoff'D!

The term is nothing new.

But how the hell can the Seattle Design Commission and the Landmark Preservation Board trade in a Trans Am for a Mustang and adding to the uglification that is becoming Market Avenue? How can the LPD put up a fight to retain the right to look at a "landmark" just to have the sucker torn down and then re manufactured? How hysterical is it that by adding a Denny's to the top of a condominium is basically forcing the old Ballardians that have been going to said store for years are now forced to wait two years and have to listen to ungodly elevator music on their ascent for a Grand Slam?

Not to mention the elevators are going to be treated like the old Ballard D's toilet stalls were.

OK, that might be reaching just a little bit. But I've seen some crazy things happen over pancakes.

I feel sorry for David Hasselhoff. I really do. First his Wendy's advertisement was a total bomb, then his name becomes synonymous with shaving with a chandelier, and now the Knight Rider remake? About time ole Dave goes back to Germany. Where he can get the chance he truly deserves.

Service. With a smile?

Okay.

I'll just divulge what I do. I'll just put it on the table as, I dare say, I put over medium eggs on plates. I'm a server at an outrageous family-orientated restaurant. I like to think I'm an honest-to-God bartender. I make good money for the store, considering I'm doling out pancakes and extra syrup. I figure if I'm going to blog, I might as well blog about my mundane, but maybe your entertainment.

Take a look at my job's latest ad campaign.

Last weekend I'm serving this two-top(I'm also going to have to publish a glossary for the lingo). This deuce is an older pair, I'm guessing mid fifties-early sixties. Denny's has place mats. Said place mats suggest that a "real breakfast isn't served with a spork."

Now check this. Mr. and Mrs. Matlock look up at me confusingly as their coffee arrives, "What's a spork?"

Fuck me running.

I bounced this story over to one of my favorite baristas and she suggested this.

You guys got served.